Its been a while since I wrote anything because lettuce be real- Momming is hard. Adulting is hard. And housing a growing baby is the hardest of them all for me right now.
No excuses- I need to get my thoughts out on -er- paper? Screen?
After we had our first baby, when the excitement and the newness wore off to everyone else (because, honestly, as parents does the excitement and newness of our littles ever wear off…) , the ever popular question always seem to come up:
When are you going to have another!?
I always met this with a laugh or a dramatic breath and shrugged it off. But in reality, I was furious. I would think of the last couple months and the journey it took to get her here, if they knew what we went through they would never ask that question!
This is a totally irrational reaction but it made me think of why I specifically never ask other parents or non-parents that question…
So here is our first born’s birth story… just in case you ever find yourself near a new mom and asking her when she’s going to have another baby.
Wednesday, September 12th, 2012
33 weeks 2 days along- Biweekly Check-up:
I felt something was wrong when the ladies at my doctors office looked at me as if they were trying to hold back tears. This doctors office delivered me decades before, these ladies were like family. I had dangerously high blood pressure and low fluid. We were going to meet our Tenley within 24 hours, ready or not. Before I knew it, our regular checkup quickly turned into a first class ticket directly to the hospital.
We could not be any more “not ready”. My Mom was on business a state away, my sister was on vacation on a beautiful bluff hours from home and here we were hunkering down for the night waiting to meet our girl scheduled for delivery the next morning. Everyone raced to get there. I wanted to go to Target and eat some take-out after that check-up… How did we get here…
As our family began to trickle in, worried face by worried face, I started to get worse. I was sure it was just nerves and told them all to go home, get some rest, this fun would continue till morning- they won’t miss anything.
Then Miss Tenley decided about 2 a.m. enough was enough. I was barely holding on to my liver and my blood pressure was about to reach stroke status. The flurry of nurses and doctor’s were overwhelming. Each one of them yelling out terms and codes. My husband frantically on the phone calling our family- telling them to get here as soon as possible.
I was rushed to an operating room, meeting my mom and dad in the hallway as if we were in some Lifetime movie. Everyone was quiet in the operating room. When you go to Hospital classes on childbirth they do not prepare you for the emergency scenario- no no, you get the unicorns and rainbows one. And if you are reading this and have never experienced don’t worry, the emergency one isn’t that dramatic. It will honestly be over before you even realize what you went through-
She was perfect.
2 lbs 15 oz…
15 inches long….
I was diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome and Preeclampsia. She on the other hand had no problems whatsoever; born at 33 weeks 3 days she required no oxygen, no feeding tube and her IV was removed within 12 hours…
I was not well enough to leave recovery to see her for 13 hours, and even that took a family friend in maternity management and a threat that I would walk there myself if they didn’t help. I held her for an hour.
25 hours later I was transferred to a room across from the nursery where I was able to hold her every 3 hours for 1 hour. Never without monitors attached to her heart and feet, and never without full blankets and hat. But I held her every second until the very last second.
My discharge date approached 3 days later. I went home at 1 AM after her feeding.
As we pulled into our driveway I cried for the first time. You get to bring your baby home with you from the hospital when you get discharged… This wasn’t part of our plan.
We would return at 5AM (yes I made it four whole hours without her)- Vacant delivery rooms, storage closets- whatever they had we would find perfectly comfortable just so we could stay around her. We lived in the hospital for the next 11 days.
At 3lbs 9oz, she was deemed strong enough to come home. They brought in a car ‘bed’ from a hospital upstate to transport her home. We had a cavalry of volunteer firemen and friends making the 13.4 miles home as safe as can be.
She was home.
And now she is five?
When I look back at how the Boy and I handled Tenley’s birth- I am blown away- We are so much stronger than I give myself credit for. Why have I been scared so long? Seriously though- As parents you are constantly judging yourself and comparing to other parents. Why do I think I couldn’t handle a second birth as well as we did our first?
Pregnancy is not unicorns and rainbows- It’s not always 40 weeks and you wont always deliver when you want. You are told what foods to eat, how to exercise and all the risk factors you may encounter.
You can’t predict how each day will end you just have to go for it.
So when they ask:
When are you going to have another!?
I finally have an answer-“if not now, when…”